The Sad Truth
Today, I learned that my daughter was arrested last week. Our mutual friend, Erik, had heard this rumor at an NA meeting and phoned to tell me. (For new readers, last August Erik, a 47 yo recovering cocaine addict, helped Hayley ‘escape’ from the drug house where she was living. He took her to his parents’ house, where she stayed a few days before going to medical detox) He said he would follow up on this news, and did. Erik knows where Hayley is living, and visited her. In fact, Hayley is now living with two childhood ‘friends’ of Erik’s, who are probably drug dealers; but Erik assures me that they are ‘decent guys’, and her living situation is much better than when she was living in the crack house.
Hayley subsequently, sent me this text message:
Hi mom. Its Hayley. Can’t find my phone so can’t add minutes, but u can always reach me on roomies number, which is xxx xxxx. The other is xxx xxxx. Just wanted you to have. Erik is here now. Doing good. I love you mom and am ok.
I cynically thought: “’Roomies’ – what a benign term to apply to her coke dealing house mates. It sounds like college. And, how can she be doing ‘good’?”
Erik reported back to me what information he could gather – that Hayley had been riding with someone who was pulled over for a minor traffic violation/equipment failure (don’t know the details), and was discovered to have a warrant out for her arrest for a probation violation. She was arrested and was taken to jail, but he didn’t know for how long. Apparently, she was bailed out, but he didn’t ask by whom. He said she looked ok, but had the obvious track marks on her arms. She told him she wanted to see me, but was reluctant for me to see her.
In further conversation with Hayley, Erik mentioned that he had recently been given the choice of jail or treatment by his parole officer. He chose treatment, his 5th or 6th, and was now clean and sober – and much happier. Hayley responded with, as did her “roomie”, that she would rather serve time in jail than go to treatment – that she wasn’t ready for treatment yet.
SHIT! Are you serious?! My daughter would rather shoot heroin and go to jail, than go to treatment and be in recovery? I can hardly fathom this option.
Initially, I was elated when I heard that Hayley had been arrested. Could this be her wake-up call? Would she get clean in jail, “see the light”, and get channeled in to the corrections’ system drug treatment diversion program? My fantasy continued: then, Hayley would re-connect with our family, work hard at her recovery, and become a productive, contributing, member of our society – – – kumbyah. Not gonna happen.
Last April, Hayley spent 4 days in jail for a misdemeanor shoplifting offense. She said she would never do that again – – – that is, put herself in to such a hardened, dangerous environment where she so obviously didn’t belong. Her ‘sisters’ in detention couldn’t believe she was a college graduate. I was certain she had scraped her bottom – but, apparently not. I have since learned that in preparation for her impending jail time, Hayley went on a cocaine binge and subsequently was able to sleep the entire time she was in jail. She is very resourceful, and privy to the tips of more experienced addicts – and criminals, I guess.
I am beginning to entertain the notion that my daughter truly prefers shooting heroin and cutting herself off entirely from the family, to living in and coping with ‘normal’ adult life. It’s shocking to contemplate. I am considering things that have never occurred to me before.
Helplessly hoping . . . 
Hi, I wanted to know if I can repost one of your blog entries on our blog.
danielle@recoverynowtv.com. Please let me know
DAnielle
September 28, 2011
I have looked for my son’s bottom for years but just when I think it couldn’t be worse then something else happened.
I have learned his bottom is not my bottom.
Ron Grover
November 28, 2009
How old is your son? I will get back to your blogspot soon. Am trying to recover/organize from Thanksgiving.
peglud
November 28, 2009
I wonder what the things are that you are considering, Peggy. I sit here trying to think of something to say that might give you courage or solace. I really want to give you a smile or laugh, but that will wait to happen in person. So, I found this annonymous quote (I wish I knew who to attribute it to – annonymous is unfair to someone out there) Anyway, here it is:
Having spent the better part of my life either trying to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace.
My wish for you, Peggy, is peace.
Donna
November 10, 2009
Wow, Donna. Those words are so simple, but powerful. Thank you for sharing them with me. Today, I am going to practice being here, now. Peace to you.
peglud
November 11, 2009