Hoping to connect with other parents of heroin addicts.

Posted on September 13, 2009. Filed under: addiction, Addiction Resources/Support, AlAnon, Parent of an Addict | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Here I go.  Where to begin?

A couple of months ago, I discovered that my beautiful, 30 year old college-educated daughter, Hayley, is a heroin addict.  The shock of this news and my incomprehension as to how this could have happened, has turned my life upside down.  The purpose of this blog, I guess, is to vent, dialogue with other parents experiencing a similar situation, get help, gather information, and share what knowledge I’ve acquired over the last few months.

The 3 “Cs” of AlAnon maintain that we didn’t cause it, can’t control it, can’t cure it.  The first one is bullshit.  How didn’t I, we, her parents, set the stage for this tragedy to unfold? I am angry, frustrated, afraid, overwhelmed, desperate – for answers, help, support, and an exchange of personal stories.  I get opposing advice from everyone I talk to – friends, family, professionals.  I’ve attended AlAnon regularly for 7 years, and find comfort and support there in sharing our stories.  Yet, I still don’t completely buy in to their program of detachment with love.  How can you let your child hit rock bottom when that may very mean the death of your child?

Hayley is living in our hometown, but I don’t know where.  She is paranoid that I will call the police to have her arrested.  Who could have predicted that I would eventually arrive at the point where getting my daughter arrested, would be one of the few options available to save her?

Three weeks ago, Hayley got herself out of the drug house where she was living and called me for help.  She wanted a medical detox, which was not available in our small, eastern Washington city.  Over the course of the next 72 hours, I worked 24/7 to make arrangements for her to enter a medical detox facility in Seattle.  There were many barriers and complications to this process.  Hayley was covered in abscesses at her injection sites, which posed an MRSA risk to any medical facility.  Her father, a doctor now living in southern California, prescribed an antibiotic for her to start on prior to entering detox.  I am the only family member in town to be physically present in dealing with Hayley directly.  And because a bed at the detox facility was not immediately available, it was an intense, harrowing window of opportunity, trying to help her withdraw from the heroin while waiting for acceptance into detox.  During this “purgatory”, Hayley was staying at a “friend’s”. The logistics of communication, keeping her “going” and functioning during the waiting period prior to detox, was a nightmare.  At one point, I even scored some hydrocodone to keep her off heroin, I thought, until a bed was available at the detox hospital, 31/2 hours away.  The short of the story is that I delivered my daughter to the community hospital detox facility, 31/2 hours away, only to have her walk out 4 days later.  She got in to a cab to take her back to our home town, 165 miles away – a $250 price tag.  How she paid for this, I don’t know.  The “drug house”, where she had previously lived, didn’t want her back.  Can you imagine – the drug house wouldn’t’ take her back – a testimonial to her manipulation, carelessness, and parasitic lifestyle.

I am desperate, obsessed, and feel helpless.  More, later.

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3 Responses to “Hoping to connect with other parents of heroin addicts.”

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with God and prayer everything is possiable

Hi, a blogger friend posted your site on her blog and I followed her link. I have two sons who have been involved in various stages of drug use, though not with heroin.

Our oldest, now 29, was into alcohol, Xanax, marijuana, and other various drugs. His drug use got him arrested and cost him his marriage. God has since gotten hold of him and he has remarried (the same woman). My husband’s and my relationship with him is into its tenth year of restoration; the process is slow and steady. He still drinks alcohol, but has left the drugs alone, as far as I know.

Our second son got involved with alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, Oxycontin, and many other drugs. He has gone through a rehab and has now been sober for three and a half years. We have a very close relationship with him now.

Two of our four kids have suffered with addiction. The other two – straight as an arrow. All raised in the same home, same environment. Why did two use and two stay clean? Those are questions I cannot answer.

Like you, for a very long time I was certain my husband and I were responsible for their choices. Now, I am not so sure. Yes, we made mistakes as parents; no one is perfect, no matter how many of the “right” things we do. But we were also concerned, loving, and caring. We communicated with our kids. We, like you, did our best to give them a great start in life. Yet, they made unhealthy choices.

I believe you will find much support here in the blogging community.

Our journey through the desert of addiction led hubby and I to found Glass House Ministries, which is a prayer and encouragement ministry. You can check us out here: http://www.glasshouseministries.blogspot.com

We will be keeping you and your dear Hayley, as well as the rest of your family in prayer. With your permission, I’d like to include your names on a list of people to pray for that we have posted on our blog. Here’s a link to that post: http://glasshouseministries.blogspot.com/2009/11/breathing-life-into-dead-places.html

Let me know if it’s okay to list your blog there.

Hugs and prayers coming your way,
Cheri

Hi! You commented on my blog and yes, i found you here. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. I think we should talk about the “we didn’t cause it” thing because I’m just learning that too, and i think I understand it. Thanks for being here because us parents need to help each other. It’s a postentially devastating situation. I’m glad you’ve been going to Al-anon.

I’ll send you a message soon. Hang in there and keep on telling your story!


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