The Other Shoe Has Dropped
Junkie. It was not a familiar word to me, not one I had any occasion to use. It was more of an exotic reference, a hip term. In fact, I wasn’t quite sure what it meant. I used to think of it in more remote, dramatic terms – as applied to some sketchy character in an artsy film, or attributed to one of those scroungy, homeless figures on the street corner, holding up their cardboard sign, hoping for . . . something. Now, I’m realizing, it’s my daughter.
When I typed junkie into my Word dictionary, this message appeared: “No results were found”. Apparently, it’s not recognized in Webster’s. Wikipedia defined it as: (slang, pejorative) A narcotics addict, especially referring to heroin users. And, of course, liar, criminal, prostitute, thief, victim, pathetic parasite on society, should also be included. And, if you’re interested in the full gamut of drug vocabulary, you can go to: http://www.noslang.com/drugs/dictionary. I’m becoming bilingual.
My daughter is ‘safely’ ensconced in the cocoon of her drug house on the other side of town, curtains drawn, always dark inside. And I’m here, anticipating the next text from her that will completely ruin my Christmas, not that it isn’t already ruined. When that text comes, it will be a personal test for me – a challenge to hold the ‘hard’ tough love line, or succumb to the more natural motherly instincts that want to rescue, protect, enable my child. This is the real “Most-tested Mother’s Club” – – – the one with exorbitant membership dues.
She rehearsed what she’s supposed to say. It doesn’t feel like
anything she would ever say. Not a part she would get if she
had to audition. Maybe that’s the key: where (Hayley’s)
concerned, she should do the opposite of what feels right.
From Night Navigation, by Ginnah Howard
OK – in rereading this and other entries, I’m starting to sound like a victim myself. So – – – for the next few days, I hope to publish posts that are more upbeat and positive. Hmmmm – – – that will be a challenge, but one that I need to practice more often. Gratitude – – – I am overdrawn in my “gratitude” account and need to make some deposits.