Pink Cloud Fading

Posted on July 10, 2010. Filed under: Addiction Resources/Support, Parent of an Addict, Treatment Centers | Tags: , , , |

With permission,  Hayley’s most recent letter from recovery:

Dear Mom,

I got the meditation book a couple of days ago.  I read it every morning in our meditation group. People seem to like it – thank you!  I’ve been wearing the bracelet and earrings you sent almost every day, too.  You do such a great job finding little special “Hayley-isms”.  It means a lot to me that you take the time to look for and find things that you think I would like, or remind you of me.

It’s been a tough week for me – no sugar coating or smiling my way through.  It’s really hard for me to admit sometimes that I’m not OK, that I’m sad, that I’m f*cking terrified. A couple of my friends relapsed, and it scares the sh*t out of me how easy it was.  It also makes me angry.  “What makes them so special that they get to use again?” I am still working hard and grateful to be sober, but thoughts of the future overwhelm me sometimes.  I am reminded by my addict fellows to stop thinking about tomorrow and just think about the moment, the minute, today.  Becky told me today not to worry about other people or their consequences and/or lack there of, but instead focus on the fact that I am working a good program, that I am trusted to go places on my own, that I am honest and not partaking in other addictive behavior, etc. It’s strange to be the one doing things “right” for once.  I’ve been the other for so long, it’s who I still identify with.

Anyways, love you and miss you and am still so grateful you’re my mom.  Love, Hayley

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10 Responses to “Pink Cloud Fading”

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What a wonderful letter from Hayley. I can totally relate to where she is coming from. My daughter said basically the same things. I am so proud of her and even though i dont know her I hope she knows there are others out there praying for her recovery. ((HUGS))

Thanks everyone for all your encouraging, hopeful comments. I will share them with Hayley when I see her at the end of July. Peggy

Peg, This is wonderful. I admire her honesty! And the fact Haley felt comfortable enough to share with you. This is what it’s all about. I felt really good reading this.. please thank her for us and thank you for sharing..
Thoughts are with you .. Kelly

I’m really happy !

She does sound great…at this point…and I’m so happy for you that she is working her program!! As Gal said below…let her know that she has people praying for her!!

What an encouraging letter! If she wasn’t sweating through this a bit, I’d be concerned. She’s obviously taking it very seriously, and that’s all you can ask during this time. Please tell her we’re all thinking of her and sending her strength. And thank her for letting you share her letter, Peg. I’m so glad to hear from her.
Hugs.
-Gal

What a sweet expression of her love and appreciation for you! Thanks for sharing the letter. It sounds like she is doing well and being honest with herself in her recovery – and working it – as evidenced by her saying she’s looking in the future and working to stay in the day… etc. I’m truly happy for you both. I hope she is proud of her accomplishment as she should be!
God bless.
Love & hugs.

That’s amazing. Cherish the letter and more importantly, her efforts. It sounds like she is working hard to do the right things! ((Hugs and prayers to you and to Hayley))

I have that book 🙂

Thanks for sharing her letter and progress. I think the fact that she is aware of how difficult this is, that she is terrified, etc. is actually a GOOD THING. Its when an addict starts drifting from the fact that there is something wrong that they seem to slip. Well, that’s one of the reasons.

Barbara – I think you’re right – that her acknowledgment of fear, sadness, being overwhelmed, are realistic and natural. At least she’s allowing herself to feel these feeling and not numb out. However, it’s all very scary to me – that she won’t be able to maintain her sobriety once she’s out in the ‘real’ world. She has so much facing her – huge debt, fines, legal issues, suspended driver’s license, etc. – how will she ever be able to untangle the mess she created for herself? I, too, get overwhelmed with anxiety when I think about ALL she will need to do to re-enter society. Aaaagggghhhh!


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