Crack House Busted

Posted on March 19, 2010. Filed under: addiction, Addiction Resources/Support, Parent of an Addict, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , |

I had wanted to chat about the program on Wednesday night, Addicted, but will have to save that discussion for another post.  I’m anxious to hear from you all about your thoughts regarding the show.

For me, right now, there’s more urgent business.  The saga/drama continues.  Yesterday afternoon, my drug world “mole”, Eric, phoned to tell me that the crack house was surrounded by a SWAT team and was being busted.  I was thinking that Hayley most likely wasn’t there, since she had told me a couple of weeks ago that she was still living with the “old guy”, even though I had heard differently. (Back to Square One and  Square One Plus a Millimeter)

I drove by the crack house, and sure enough – sheriff’s cars and van, bullet-proof vested officers, etc. were all there “mopping up”.  They were just pulling out of the crack house drive way when I drove by. This was the lead story on our local news last night, and in this morning’s newspaper, there was a small article mentioning that three arrests had been made at a known drug house – two men and one woman.  More arrests were anticipated.

So, I’m thinking – one of the guys arrested was probably Bill, Hayley’s drug dealer and supplier; and, I hoped the woman arrested was Paula, Bill’s “operations manager”.  She’s a tough bitch, who runs things at the drug house, steals, and beat up Hayley last summer.  (I”ll admit, I also kind of hoped that the woman arrested was Hayley).  After a fundraising event I attended last night, I drove past the crack house on my way home.  It looked dark, but all the drapes/shades where drawn.  I thought I saw a light on through one of the window blind slats.  As usual, there were various cars scattered around the property, in the drive way, and on the “lawn” (loose term).

At 1:17 am this morning, I received this text:

Mom, only phone and no minutes. U prob saw news. I’m ok. Was at house when they came in.  Didn’t arrest me or anything. Will  call as soon as I can.  U can txt. H

My text back:  “Where are you? At Bill’s? What do you want to do?”

Hayley’s response:

Yes. With friend. Only ones here. Trying to clean up. Don’t know. Will call u or txt in am. Need to decide. Treatment facilities out of state?  Cal or close to dad.

So – she’s holed up in the shut down crack house.  I’m sure her drug supply has been interrupted, but maybe there’s a stash somewhere, who knows.  And, at some point, she’ll most likely run out of food, let alone drugs.  This appears to be a turning point.

I wonder why Hayley wasn’t arrested herself?  There’s been a warrant out for her arrest since last July, for violating probation on a misdemeanor shoplifting offense.  And, yes – a treatment program in California near Santa Barbara sounds nice, doesn’t it?  Preferably near a beach.  Good lord.  Is she totally insane?  Can you travel out of state if there’s a warrant out for your arrest?  I’m sure she doesn’t have any photo ID on her – how would she fly on a plane?  And then there’s the heroin withdrawal/detox process, TB test waiting period, antibiotics to treat abscesses, before even getting to treatment, let alone paying for it.  Not to get bogged down in minutiae, but all these details seem overwhelming to me.  How could an active drug addict ever manage it all?  And, at this point, neither her father or I are willing to foot the bill or arrange for her treatment.  As you may recall, Hayley walked out of medical detox after 5 days (and $6,000) last August AMA and talked a cab driver in to driving her the 175 miles back here, with out a cent on her.  She is resourceful.  And the zinger is, when she arrived back in town, the crack house wouldn’t take her back!  I guess they recently changed their mind.

I made a few phone calls this morning to gather information.  If Hayley contacts me again, I will tell her to go to DSHS (Department of Social and Health Services) and apply for their ADATSA program.  They will evaluate and assess her, then recommend a treatment facility and pay for it, if she follows through with all the paper work and keeps appointments.  Seems highly unlikely to me.  This is at least a two week process, if not more, and she has no phone, transportation, and is deathly afraid she’ll be arrested if she registers with the state for welfare/medical coupons.  It is a risk.

Her text to me early this morning still sounds like she’s entitled to our help – and has only been pushed to reaching out because of the circumstances.  Is this the “bottom”?  Probably not.  Hayley’s older brother, Jake, just called and is blown away that Hayley just can’t say the words, “I need help.  Maybe I don’t know what’s best for me.”  Her pride and ego are the biggest barriers of all  to recovery.

Wanted to get this out there for your input.  It’s amazing to me how much wonderful comfort, support, information, and advice you guys give me.  Thank you.  I couldn’t get through all of this with out you.


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28 Responses to “Crack House Busted”

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Peggy, I haven’t read it all yet, but enough. Please know this is not unusual … my daughter too had relapses. I will read it and catch up. Meanwhile I send you love.

Well, hang in there, Peggy. Not very helpful words, I’m afraid, but I’m feeling your pain.

What would the harm be if you texted her and asked her how she is? I know I’m the great enabler, but I can’t help but wonder if she needs just a slight bit of encouragement. I know that, at one point, when my daughter was living elsewhere and using heroin heavily, she desperately wanted to come home and get help, but was afraid to ask for it. Ultimately, I was able to get her home, but it took weeks of texts, phone messages, etc. That was before her last rehab, and I still don’t know if she can win the battle in the end….but she has told me that when she was so desperate, she felt completely hopeless and unable to do anything but continue using. I don’t know what the right answer is (if there is one), only what’s right for you. And only you can figure that one out.
Hugs and prayers,

Oh, Gal. Your comments are so compassionate and full of wisdom. I guess I’m afraid to text my daughter. At times, I feel like it will be opening a “can of worms”. What would I say if I texted her. “Are you ok?” or, “Do you need help?” How does that sound? I then have to be ‘ready’ for her response. I hate living in this purgatory of not knowing.

sorry for the duplication, thought i lost the first one

I hope your daughter is really reaching out this time. All of us have different experiences. My daughter told us of her addiction on New years day. We had no clue, she was working full time, had no money but supporting a boyfriend who was also using. I was a big enabler but didn’t know what I was enabling. She waited until the 5th of january to get a spot in rehab because she went through the state. Basically did most of her detox at home in front of us. What a painful thing to watch, your only daughter suffering so and all because of this drug. I am glad to say she wanted rehab and has been clean ever since. I know its only 79 days but that is awesome to us. Things are starting to clear in her head and she realizes she can have a great life now as long as she stays clean. I think I am still enabling as I have not forced her to find employment yet as she is still in IOP and goes to AA/NA meetings 5-7 nights a week. She says she is not ready. I am giving her a few more weeks and then we will force the issue. Just hope that doesnt make her use again. What a burden it is for us, the loved ones, who really can’t help or cure our childrens illness/addiction. I will continue to pray for your family

Good for you, Renee. I think you’re doing the right thing and supporting your daughter now when she’s so fragile and vulnerable. And, I’m celebrating your daughter’s recovery thusfar. Thanks for this news of hope.

I am praying that she finally realizes she needs help. I am sure you like most of us are bled dry from the addiction portion of our loved ones disease. My daughter had to wait 3-4 days detoxing to get into a facility because she had no insurance and we have no money to pay for a facility. She wanted it so bad she waited in a waiting room all day for 10 hrs a day until they finally saw her on the 4th day and she got into a facility. Here is hope your daughter will get the help she so desperately needs. You can’t want it for her, she has to want it. This is such a hard thing and you definitely are on my mind today.

Renee – what was your daughter’s drug of choice? Was it heroin? I’ve heard that kicking heroin and going through withdrawal is much more difficult than other drugs, but I’m not sure. At this point, I can’t imagine my daughter putting herself through the pain and agony of heroin withdrawal and at the same time, dogging a spot in a treatment center.

I am not a lawyer or police officer so I can’t answer your legal questions, I would leave that to a few phone calls for clarification.
I know that in reaching out to someone for help I only want 2 things:
1)Either the absence of pain or
There is a difference. Do not loose hope, do not lose faith, do not lose sight of the goal.
The goal is when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change, something will happen.
My thoughts are with you as always.

Thanks for these reminders. I haven’t heard from Hayley since 2:00 am on Friday morning. She said she’d call or text me the next morning – nada. Apparently, she is still managing to use and keep things going for herself.

Praying that maybe this is Hayley’s rock bottom and that things will only get better. I think she may be watching a little to much Intervention if she thinks rehab is by the sea but hey wouldn’t that be nice?

Postscript…and yes, my ex-husband calls me copendent and an enabler. But I’m getting better.

We’re all working on those ones. It’s a common thread, isn’t it – inherent as a mother, I think.

OK – now I’m on my way out of town to check in on my 92 yo mother. I’m fortifying myself for her incessant questions about Hayley, her current status, and then her almost emotionally abusive comments to me filled with blame and lacking all compassion. Her most recent tirade is that Hayley’s a heroin addict because I ‘made’ her take ballet lessons. She, my mother, reminds me that Hayley hates me – and that I’ve given up on her. Ok – all of this deserves a blog post of its own – about family members who are so hurtful. This is a major reason why I find such comfort here, amongst you all who support and encourage me. Thank you.

Peg, I am thinking of you as you visit your mom. Good luck. Stay short. As far as what you should do, I think Haley’s situation is unique in that she KNOWS what rehab will require (unlike my son who asked for help not knowing what it would require), and therefore, she is more wary. However, she did say the R word. BUT I am hesitant that you or your family would fund it if there are resources otherwise. Perhaps you could list, as suggested, things that you would do to help Haley find funding, but not fund it yourself. I send you all my energy and love
Chris V

Thanks, Chris. I’m feeling I need a little getaway – by the bay. (hint). Send me open times @ Chez V. How are you dear friend? Did u have a good vacation?

Sent from my iPhone

Peggy, I have so much respect for what Dawn says. She’s truly a veteran. But I have to believe you must reach that point in your own journey, no matter how long it takes. I feel you’ll know it when you’re there and when it has to be. We all hope we won’t reach that point, because, in order to do it, you have to essentially give up. Dawn has put all her hope into her daughter’s grandchildren. We’re still clinging on to some hope for our daughters..maybe because there are no grandchildren involved, thankfully. This is such a personal decision, and you must weigh all the comments and find where you heart is. No matter what, it has to be right for you, because none of the advice is wrong. It’s just coming from different stages in this journey. Just keep writing about it, Peggy. It will help you find your way. God bless.

oh hell. I’m with Jake. It is manipulation coupled with desperation. Plain and simple. It is NOT reaching out.

When she starts to detox, tell her to go to the nearest Emergency Room. Tell her to tell them she wants treatment. Then the social worker for the hospital will get involved, then social services, etc. and you won’t have to give her a ride, or fund anything, or be involved.

of course she texted you. you are her mom and that’s what they do when they are scared, alone, hungry, etc. Doesn’t mean she is ready for anything at all. Just means you are her safe refuge in bad times.

don’t be.

I must say, Dawn, that this is always my first reaction. Hayley only “reaches out” when she needs something or is desperate. I’m trying to balance my bullshit radar with some compassion. I do worry that Hayley isn’t capable of getting the help she needs or going through the procedures and processes required to get to treatment. Your suggestion about sending her to the ER is helpful, although I feel guilty that “we” will all be paying for that trip and treatment. If Hayley could just get her head cleared for 30 days or so to then be able to truly tackle the recovery process. Well, that would be a f–king miracle, in my book.

I hope, like you mentioned, that this is “a turning point” for her. Going from “Dad’s” Partnership article – WHAT IS – she DID text you, unsolicited to let you know she is okay and made a reference to treatment. It’s not the same as saying, (What Ought to Be) “I need help. Maybe I don’t know what’s best for me.”
BUT, I am so hopeful that this IS the turning point for her. I am so sorry you went through this, it had to be terrifying seeing that on the news and driving by wondering.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Hayley.
Sending love & hugs your way!
Off to bed right now to pray!

Oh Peggy – are those her eyes? They are gorgeous. She IS in there and she will re-emerge someday. I’m thinking of you and hoping that “this is it” and she goes into treatment. Phoenix House is great, they have locations across the country. My son still goes back two – three times a week for out-patient meetings.

Yes, Barb. They are Hayley’s eyes. I think the photo is a bit out of proportion – I’ll try to correct that. Thanks for this.

Peggy, I spent a long time wondering if Bryan was ever going to “hit bottom” and what would asking for help sound like? It wasn’t what I hoped for initially…he didn’t beg, he didn’t say “I need help.” He didn’t even tell us he overdosed; but I told him we knew and that I found a program that I thought would be good for him if he was willing to go; and he said, “I’ll go whereever you tell me.” So everyone’s last straw is different, I think. And the addicts isn’t often like we imagine because we aren’t in their heads and don’t completely understand what drugs are doing to them mentally and emotionally.

You don’t sound like you are ready to completely “detach,” and I encourage you to make a list of what you are willing to do, whether it is phone calls, payment, a drive somewhere, etc. If you and your husband see the list on paper (like a fire drill, sort of), it might make it easier and feel better to complete the things/help that you are willing/able to give.

I’ve heard a lot of good things about Phoenix House; so I think the suggestion to call them is a good one. And coming to California may be a way to get away, and not about the beach.

Take care of yourself as you work through this stress and drama. I will keep you and Hayley (and your family) in my prayers.

Lisa – thanks – this really helps. I’ve passed it on to family members. I’ll keep you posted. Peggy

I suggest calling Phoenix House California.

They seem to do a good job. They last a long long time and they are cheap by rehab standards. About 5000 per month.

They will tell you how to get around the detox details.

I know there are places that will detox for free. Call the police. They will know or have her do it.

Good luck. I am with you in spirit.

Thanks for this good info, Anna. It helps to be prepared when/if we move in to recovery mode. P.

Oh, Peggy, how hard this must be for you. I doubt you slept very well last night not knowing where Hayley was. I did feel a glimmer of hope from her text. I haven’t been through this, but I’ll share my gut feeling with you, for what’s it’s worth. If it were me, I think I would do the same as you in locating local resources, and I might text her that info and offer her some support (a ride to the DSHS, if she makes the appointment to go?). (From my experience, she has to make the appointment for herself.) But then set limitations for yourself in terms of how invested you’ll get, both emotionally and time-wise. I probably wouldn’t shell out any more money, but that’s for you to decide. Bottom line, I still feel these adult children of ours have a disease, and while we can’t continue to pay for them or enable the disease, we can point them in the right direction and encourage them when they show the possibility of wanting a better life. According to some experts, not everyone has to hit rock bottom before they discover they want to work toward recovery. I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt, offer a hand if she really asks for it, but continue to protect yourself emotionally as much as possible. I may be out of bounds in saying this, but from reading your blog, I don’t believe you are ready to give up on her.
Hugs, hope and prayers,

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